Day 6-- Setting up the Ground Rules

So I’ve been getting a lot of feedback on my blog recently that I LOVE.  Some of it has been super constructive and I really appreciate all the help more experienced bloggers have given me.  One of the comments suggested was that I needed to better define what I mean by “being single” for a year.  Yesterday I choose not to post, because I really needed to take the time and formulate the rules for my epic quest into singledom.

I think I’ve gotten three for right now.


1.)   Tell the person I choose to go out with about my quest.

a.     Essentially, my choice to take this year to be single was motivated out of the hurt I experienced in my last relationship.  The bottom line was, I was giving him way more love than he was giving to me and at the time I was okay with that.  However, during our break up, he told me that I don’t deserve to be with someone who is only giving me 40 percent when I was giving 100.  The fact is, now I’m committing to give the 100 percent to me.  This means, anyone I am going to see needs to know that I’m not interested in a relationship and needs to know the ground rules that I’m about to list here.  That way, I hope I can avoid hurting someone… because the last thing I want to do is make someone feel upset.

2. No public physical intimacy.

a.     There is a big difference between sex and physical intimacy in my book.  Sex is sex—carnal, animalistic.  And I am not spending my year being single acting like the flying nun.  Granted, bitch could fly and I would loveee if one of my hats made that happen to me—but I just enjoy having sex and don’t feel I have to stop simply because I’m not in a relationship.  That DOES NOT mean, however, that I will sleep with any random riff raff that comes a long.  I need to be friends first, and if sex happens it happens. Rule two mainly deals with someone who has become my friend and who I have had sex with.  Essentially, it means that I don’t want any of the physical body language that comes with a relationship in public.  Holding hands during a movie, walking into a party with his arm around me, or having a hand on his leg while were out with friends—I don’t want any of it.  People don’t really analyze how important body language is in telling the whole world around you your relationship status.  These small intimate gestures tell others to stay away and cause the two people exchanging the touch to become closer.  Hopefully if I cut this out, I cut out a big part of what causes me to fall in love/ want to be in a relationship with someone.

3. Put the ball in their court.

a.     I’m not trying to force my ideals and my quest on anyone that doesn’t want it.  I’m going after a guy that interests me and is attractive—but he may not be okay with all of the guidelines I’ve set up for my year.  Once I make the initial contact and we hang out for the first time, and I enjoy hanging out with him, I’m going to urge them to call me if they want to see me again—I’m not going to do the calling.  I’ve spent SO much of my youth being upset because some guy didn’t call me back or text me… and why? If someone doesn’t want to hang out with me—I’m not going to force them.  I want to hang out with people that want to hang out with me… simple, really.

These are the three rules thus far.  There may be others that come about later, but right now this is where I stand in my dating life and I think the rules are very fetch.  By defining these rules, I think I can save myself a lot of drama and really stick to this lofty goal I have set for myself.  So setting the ground work is what’s going to make me happy today.