Day 28-- Looking Back on the First Month

As January has begun to melt away, the cosmos decided to grace Dallas with the most beautiful, amazing weather today.  I loved it.  I had missed it.  The way the bright rays of sunshine felt on my now slightly pale skin (I mean, I’m Mexican… I don’t REALLY get pale) just caused me to reflect on this new chapter in my life.

20love has already been the most life-changing year of my life so far and I’m only one month into it. 

As crazy as it sounds, that statement is completely and utterly true.  If you would have told the me of January 28, 2010 that this would be where my life is going, I would say you are crazy.  My plan has been the same since I was little and I am going to accomplish it no matter what.  I would have scoffed at the idea of not being in a monogamous relationship and probably staying in a relationship that would work because of what I put into it, but not getting what I truly needed because I was too scared of being alone.

But now—I look at that person and I have to marvel at how starkly I have changed my life.  My decisions to forgo my chosen career path and start on the new journey of the hotel industry and my choice to stop letting relationships define me have made me so much stronger. 

I’ve been meeting a lot with my dad (He’s actually in management at the hotel I currently work in) and he’s been giving me a lot of great advice on what I can do to succeed.  I think it’s going to be wonderful for our relationship for me to get involved in this industry.  For a while, my dad and I’s relationship has been less that it should be—it has never been estranged or bad in anyway, but when we see each other we have limited things to talk about.  My sister and him have sports and television shows that they both watch and rave about together.  Now, my dad and I have this.  We talk about the hotel, or food, wine—and it’s been great to start to respect my dad in a whole other way.  One reason why 20love has been great so far.

I also talked with my direct boss today about my desire to stay at the hotel past when I originally told him and he was very, very excited about my choice.  Our conversation left me feeling like I had certainly made the right choice because his enthusiasm about the potential he sees in me makes me want to dream big.  His story is similar to mine because he began his career as a server and is now the food and beverage director for our sports club.  He thinks with the right training I have all the tools necessary to accomplish great things.

But, to accompany all this great positivity, is some negativity.  I did not win employee of the month.  That sucks, but really I don’t need a piece of paper to know I’m doing a great job.  The employee who won has been working for the company for years and I know I have the potential to do great things in the years to come!

20love has also been amazing because of my freedom to stop worrying about relationships.  One of my Peruvian princesses was seeing this guy before she left for Peru and they broke up when she came here.  But, now that her arrival back to Peru gets closer and closer, the two have started talking again.  Some days, things are great and then the guy won’t call her when he says he will or he won’t invite her to something he’s going to and it crushes her.  She gets very upset and distracted and it hurts me to see her so worked up about it.

But I look at her and I think—that was me.  Looking back at the me in 2010, I was so concerned that this one person needs to pay attention to me and if he didn’t it made me so upset.  I would cry, be anxious, and just worry so much that it would take away from my happiness and positivity if they were ignoring me. 

The me of 20love says that’s ridiculous.  These rules are really helping me stay single and be okay with the fact people may not want to see me. Speaking of the rules… I got into a disagreement with my most fierce and fabulous best friend regarding Rule Three.  This rule explains that it’s up to the guy I go out with to call me or contact me if he wants to see me again.  My Fierce and Fabulous Best Friend told me it was unfair because it made me seem elitist, like I’m so wonderful and awesome that you need to call me if I can see you.

For me though, that’s not what it is.  Example: I went out with this guy this week and it went amazingly.  He was charming, good looking, and we really hit it off.  In fact, he even kissed me at the end of the date so I assumed I would be hearing from him. But, days went on and while the me of the past would have called and already asked this guy out again, 20love me just didn’t care either way.  I don’t need this guy in my life so badly that I need to call him… I have plenty of friends already and don’t need to get so worked up over one date.  This year is about choosing guys that I don’t have to work so hard to hang out with.  For so long I’ve chosen these guys that “play hard to get” and I fall for it every time.  I don’t want anything serious or difficult right now—I just want fun.  Taking this carefree attitude about it, I just ignored it and stayed positive.  Sure enough, today he called me and through the conversation we realized that he had texted me twice this week already and I just hadn’t received them and had called me to see if I was still interested.  Funny how things like that work.

All and all, the changes that happened in 2011 have been some of the most positive and rewarding experiences.  I’m excited to see what the rest of this whirlwind year will bring.  But as the sun set and I was jamming to the radio in my car with the windows down, the wind tossing my hair around, I can honestly say that I am so confident in my choice to change.  So on day 28, to make me happy I reflect and look forward to the future.