Day 18-- Polyamory

So I’ve begun reading some articles on different types of orientations, trying to figure out a little bit more about the different types of love available in the world.  I think getting a better understanding of how love works is something that someone like myself needs to understand in order to comprehend what would make me happy in the end when it comes to the dreaded love word.

I’ve always had this deep underlying fear to commit in my relationships-- I take it back, because with my last relationship I briefly considered plunging into the throws of a very serious commitment to him due to circumstances beyond our control (I.E. He was here on a visa for a year and had to move back home), but I convinced myself I was supposed to be with him because our whirl wind romance was the exact same story as my parents who are still happily married to this day.  (I.E. My mom was here on a visa and worked in the United States at a hotel where my dad worked, they fell in love, and within a year got married—my mom being the same age as I was).  I thought I was supposed to embrace this as a sign of the cosmos, because I had never loved quite like this before… it seemed right… perfect even. Regardless, when the commitment talk happened, it ultimately doomed the relationship, taking it from something that was supposed to be casual and fun and turning it into something dark and dramatic. 

And the commitment talk ALWAYS does this.  It creeps in, like a sexy True Blood vampire, and sucks everything good about a relationship out.  Well, at least my relationships.  I usually spend a year with someone, maybe a little less, maybe a little more, and then around this point a commitment talk is necessary because:

A.) A new person has entered the equation and one of you needs to get out. 

B.) One person is talking about taking things to the next level and the other person needs to peace. 

Or C.) The way the relationship is going isn’t making someone involved fully happy.

For some people, we ignore these concerns at the year mark and continue with the relationships—getting married, having kids.  Sometimes the commitment talk works… but I just don’t feel it’s working for me.

And maybe it’s the whole concept of commitment in general.  Maybe I’d be happier if my main goal in life wasn’t to find one perfect husband for me—maybe its something else?

Enter: Polyamory.

This article brings up some pretty interesting points about this lifestyle. This is my favorite paragraph:

“It's a new paradigm, certainly—and it does break some rules. "Polyamory scares people—it shakes up their world view."… But perhaps the practice is more natural than we think: a response to the challenges of monogamous relationships, whose shortcomings—in a culture where divorce has become a commonplace—are clear. Everyone in a relationship wrestles at some point with an eternal question: can one person really satisfy every need? Polyamorists think the answer is obvious—and that it's only a matter of time before the monogamous world sees there's more than one way to live and love. "The people I feel sorry for are the ones who don't ever realize they have any other choices beyond the traditional options society presents," says Scott. "To look at an option like polyamory and say 'That's not for me' is fine. To look at it and not realize you can choose it is just sad."

I think this year is going to be a good time for me to look at an option like polyamory.  Ultimately, I don’t think one person can really satisfy me, because I know I am constantly changing.  So why has society made me obsessed with finding one person who’s supposed to love me even if I change into a different person than who I was when I first began dating them?  Or maybe they change… whatever the reason, societies pressure to make us commit to one person is what has killed every good relationship I’ve ever had… and I think this year is a good time to say screw that noise.

I’ve recently agreed to go out with a man who describes himself as polyamorous.  Not only is he polyamorous, but he’s getting his masters in counseling specifically looking at polyamorous personalities.  I’ve got questions galore for this guy, especially the question as to how open you should be with the people you begin seeing.  I hope this meeting pans out, because I feel the answers he will give me may help me understand more about the lifestyle. 

For day 18, I’m making myself happy by challenging societal pressure and contemplating embracing a polyamorous lifestyle…  But I say contemplate because I still have to do my research.  More to come later.