I'm a Serial Monogamist

What is a serial monogamist? The most credible source found on the Internet, Urban Dictionary, defines a serial monogamous as: One who spends as little time as possible being single, moving from the end of one relationship to the beginning of a new relationship as quickly as possible. The serial monogamist will seemingly form what looks like a lasting commitment to one person, but the commitment is usually only superficial. The defining aspect of serial monogamy is the desire and ability to enter new relationships very quickly, thus abbreviating any period of single life during which the serial monogamist may begin to ask questions of an existential nature.

Again, I’m a serial monogamist—and I’ve only recently come to this deduction.  I’m about to turn twenty-three and started to seriously date people when I was seventeen years old.  Since that age, I have not been single for more than a month, going from relationship to relationship.  They usually last for about a year to a year and a half, mostly ending because I choose to break it off.  In six years, two thousand one hundred and ninety days, I have been single for maybe sixty of those days. 

I’ve never really thought of this as a problem.  I loved being in love and I wanted and needed love and that was great.  I was (and still am) a hopeless romantic, and as every romantic comedy says, that was totally okay. There was nothing wrong with me trying to find happiness in another person because being in a relationship made me feel fulfilled.  And that’s what life’s all about, right? Being fulfilled and happy.

Only, as I am entering into the year 2011, I realize that serial monogamy isn’t making me happy.  I’ve recently had a love of mine break up with me, something that wasn’t usual for me.  Because it broke the pattern of my usual relationships, it caused me to be a lot more existential about what was happening in my life.  Through dealing with the breakup, I’ve begun to admit this fatal flaw of mine, and am trying to learn different ways of dealing with it.  I started reading about serial monogamy, and found that it is a psychological problem that many therapists claim to be difficult to break but can be done with proper help.

And because I’m not a baller yet and can’t afford a hundred dollar an hour therapy session, I’ve chosen the next best thing: blogging.

That’s right—blogging.  Recently, my most fierce and fabulous best friend told me about the wonders of blogging.  How they are great for learning and understanding things about yourself and the world around you.  He told me it connects you to people, and their comments can help you facilitate more ideas about how to address the topic your blog is about. 

So, here’s what my blog is about:

2011 is going to be a new year for me.  I’m making a commitment, and this blog will help me stick to it, to go an entire year without being in a serious committed relationship with someone.  Of course, I will still continue to see men (and will make sure to keep you all informed) but I am going to commit as hard to being single and becoming happy with myself as I usually do to my relationships.

These 365 days are going to be different… Every day I’m going to try to do something to make me happy.  This blog will describe what I do everyday to make me happy.  Me, not the man I am with.  I may skip some days, but always promise to keep you updated.   The blog will begin with something I did that day to make me happier, and be inter spliced with stories from my past relationships and daily shenanigans.  If you’re reading this and find a lot of the same qualities in you, I hope you post comments about ideas and activities that would make you happy so I can incorporate them into my blog-venture.

Someone once told me that you have to make sure you are happy and whole before you can truly give love to someone else.  I need to stop with these superficial relationships, because right now I am not whole and happy with myself.  This year, I’m going to learn what makes me smile, explore about what caused this flaw of mine, and begin to express my emotions and be more open and vulnerable that I usually am in real life.   This blog, and all of you, will help me become a whole so I can be ready for whatever 2012 brings.

So, Day 1—Start a Blog.