I think women are really funny creatures.
Maybe I generalize too much, but after all, I am a women. So I guess I should say I am a very funny creature.
Right now there is a guy who certainly likes me. He seems great and I’d love to get to know him, but here is the problem. He works with me.
My ex worked with me. While we were in the relationship, we had no problems maintaining a professional relationship at work and being more outside of work. In fact, the relationship went great because we could always mutually bitch about work and the other would be able to sympathize. It was only until we broke up that things got weird. It’s not that things are bad; we don’t fight or anything of the sort. Instead, he just avoids me when we’re out together which is even more annoying. Take this weekend for example: I went out for a friend’s going away party and another friend’s birthday party and my ex was there. It seemed like every time I walked up to the same group of people he was in, he moved to another group trying to avoid me.
This childlike behavior bothers me. Luckily, my ex doesn’t really get a long with most of the people at the hotel, so he doesn’t make many appearances at social gatherings, but the whole experience has made me swear off people I work with as people I’d like to get to know more intimately.
And of course, enter this new guy.
I know I shouldn’t get involved. I know it’s not smart of me to do because of all the potential problems it could create. Even more, a girl I know at work actually really likes this guy while I just have a small interest in him.
And to top it all off—I have two other guys in the picture who are in no way related to work, as equally as foxy, and who seem genuinely interested in getting to know me…
So why is it that I only want to see the guy I work with?
This is why I say women are funny creatures. We always want what is not good for us or what we know we can’t have. Why is that? Why is it that we love to put ourselves in positions that will only cause us trouble?
I said that throughout this blog, I would be exploring my past relationships as a way to understand more about myself. So, lets explore the wonderful relationship that was The Bad Boy.
I should have known better. I met The Bad Boy while I had been dating someone else, and ended that other relationship because I wanted him. We played the whole “friends with benefits” game for a while. And truly, that’s all it was until it became more. I knew he was bad news from the beginning, he was into drugs and wasn’t the best student, but he was hot and just completely wrong for me.
And I loved that. We continued to be “just friends” until about six months into our ‘relationship’ another girl tried to get with him. The whole experience made me do something I would never do, confront this girl and shake her back. The Bad Boy and I had a big talk about it, and I convinced him to begin dating me officially. My most fierce and fabulous best friend told me I should never have to convince someone to be with me… But again, I should have known that I could do better than this.
Then came the turning point of our relationship. He got arrested for drugs and I became his rock in his time of trouble. I was stable and a caring person and instead of ending the relationship like I should have, I chose to do what was bad for me and stay with someone who didn’t really want to be with me in the first place.
But again, I choose not to think of it that way. He lived in the same city and went to the same college as me, but after his arrest had to move back to his hometown. We decided to get into a long distance relationship.
Of course, the relationship ended. Not before I went crazy with anxiety because he would never answer my phone calls. We were in this up and down long distance relationship for about a year—I would forgive him for not answering my calls even though it was literally making me nuts. Because I wanted what I couldn’t have, I kept doing what was bad for me.
And of course, a few weeks after we broke up he was in another relationship with a new girl.
I put myself through all of this shit and grief because I just wanted this guy to like me who didn’t really want to be with me… and why?
Now this relationship is different than this new guy I want to see. He genuinely wants to hang out with me, but for someone who’s supposed to be spending the year staying single going out with someone I may grow to like probably isn’t a good thing. I know this isn’t what I want but it’s hard to stop myself from wanting it.
… On Month 2, day 1 I’m writing to tell myself to stop wanting what I shouldn’t have. Or, at least, I’m trying to tell myself that.
